WHY ZEALOTS HATE DARWIN AS MUCH AS SATAN

It’s Charles Darwin’s 208th birthday today. And if there’s one name the crazies hate more than Satan, it’s Darwin.

When Henry Drummond arrives in town to argue Darwinian theory in Inherit the Wind (a 1955 play about the Scopes Monkey Trial), the first person he meets takes one look at him and declares, “The devil!”

Today the phrase “Evolution is Satanic” yields over 14,000 results on Google. That’s stupid, but if religious nuts want to credit science’s single greatest insight about the natural world to Satan then who am I to argue?

“It’s possible I’m a bit ahead of my time here.”

That populations evolve over time was hardly a new idea when Darwin published On the Origin of Species in 1859.

Even some ancient Greeks proposed that one species might eventually give rise to another—although they admittedly had some pretty freaking weird ideas about how this went down.

All Darwin did was provide an explanation for how and why evolution happens: natural selection. He also proposed a radical conclusion: that all living creatures share a common ancestor.

Darwin didn’t know anything about genetics. And the fossil record barely existed at the time. He predicted that future discoveries about heredity and extinct species would support his theory—and he was right.

Darwin was of course a Christian; he even studied to be a priest. He drifted away from the Bible later, but never gave up the idea of god.

And yet, religious nuts—particularly Christian and Muslim nuts—won’t stop turning him into the devil.

For example, Ben Carson, a dotty retired surgeon and religious kook who is for some reason now the head of HUD, insists that Darwin got his theory from Satan. He seemed to mean that pretty literally in 2011.

“Do you really think anybody’s going to buy this story?” “If not I’ve got a Plan B with australopithecus. We’re covered.”

“I personally believe that this theory that Darwin came up with was something that was encouraged by the adversary,” Carson said. And with a straight face.

Roger Morneau, an “ex-Satanist” conspiracy nut, did Carson one better. He said the devil appeared in person to teach Darwin about evolution. Both Darwin and Satan were in the Illuminati, you see, so it was easy for them to network.

My favorite is Henry Morris, the “father of creation science.” (Actually a civil engineer with several fake additional science degrees). He claimed Satan first taught the theory to Nimrod, the ancient king of Babel, thousands of years ago.

It’s one thing that stupid and angry people don’t believe in science and hate Darwin for his academic prominence. They locked up Galileo once too, so it’s just par for the course.

But it’s not enough for Darwin to just be wrong in their eyes. He’s got to be the devil too. Literally, if possible. They need to see Satan in this to feel really confident in their opposition.

And it’s that very attitude that promulgates Satanism. Turning god into an icon of ignorance turns Satan into a patron of enlightenment by default.

If god doesn’t want Darwin—or science—on call, the devil will always oblige.

In primate populations it’s generally the smartest and most sociable who survive. But there are some exceptions…