THE IRELAND REFERENDUM AND HOW NOBODY REALLY BELIEVES ABORTION IS MURDER
The Ireland referendum is over, and Satan has enlisted another nation into the Federation of the Damned.
Or something like that, I forget which apocalyptic nonsense was supposed to happen if the “yes” side won. What really happened is that Ireland will expand abortion access and fundies and conspiracy assholes will weep into their morning coffee for a couple days.
So good news all around. Unless you’re an asshole, in which case it’s another step toward drive-thru baby brunches, or whatever bullshit they’re saying.
Fact is though, the anti-abortion crowd talk a lot, but I’m increasingly unsure they believe it. For example, they like to say “abortion is murder,” but I don’t think they buy it.
And I concluded that by doing one simple thing: Paying attention to anything else they say and do at all.
The Ireland referendum concerned the Eighth Amendment, which outlawed abortion under almost all (but not quite all, more on that later…) circumstances in 1983. In the Friday repeal, the right to choose crushed the status quo 2-1.
This was once considered a long shot. Consider: The preamble to the Irish Constitution actually begins, “In the Name of the Most Holy Trinity, to whom all actions both of men and States must be referred.”
The Catholic presence in Irish politics is, ahem, a touch overbearing, is what I’m saying. When Marco Rubio daydreams about fucking the US Constitution—as he surely does—Ireland’s constitution is what he imagines conceiving.
But the “yes” side won anyway. The obvious explanation is witchcraft, of course.
Actually, there wasn’t much devil-baiting during the campaigns. Much of the debate was actually about real people and policies instead, go figure.
But outside of the Ireland referendum, American fundies and conspiracy assholes still overflow with pious hysteria. Or maybe hallucinogens, I can’t decide.
They call abortion the “Holocaust of the unborn.” (Read the fucking room, guys…). Or sometimes “child sacrifice to Moloch.” One dip insists that “Satanic rituals” go on in abortion clinics, and bigger dips believe him. And they’re STILL convinced Planned Parenthood is selling to Mrs. Lovett for pie filling, or whatever.
Do even seminary saps really believe this tripe? I don’t know. It’s possible. But if so, they sure do have a funny way about it.
Imagine really believing abortion is murder and millions of kids are shoveled into Satan’s maw every year. And that Satanists pile up fetuses for a Ba’al barbecue every weekend. And that Cecile Richards has skulls propping up her coffee table, etc.
If that’s the case, where’s the general strike? The political martyrs stuffing the jails? The fugitives fleeing these countries? If Irish Catholics ever really thought abortion is murder, why did they even allow it in a few cases where the patient’s life was at risk? “I might die unless I do this murder,” nobody would go along with that. These people are full of shit.
Earlier this year, semi-professional simpleton Kevin Williamson got his 15 minutes of fuckery saying women who get abortions should be hanged. But then he walked it back, claiming later “I was making a point about the sloppy rhetoric of the abortion debate.”
Nobody would backtrack like that if he thought abortion was murder. You’d have to be the biggest fucking moron on the planet. It’s all hot air.
The Ireland referendum and abortion politics aren’t really about the “lives of the unborn.” They’re about religious agendas, misogyny, and control. That’s what people’s behavior tells us. That’s the hypothesis that fits the facts.
Here’s what the anti-choice crowd really thinks when they talk this shit: That they’re losing. And hyperbole is cathartic when you’re feeling sorry for yourself, right? People say all sorts of stupid crap when they have tantrums.
So okay. Say it’s a “Holocaust.” Say it’s the End Times. Say the devil is doing it.
But don’t say you expect anyone to believe this garbage. Because frankly, I just wasn’t born yesterday.