Well, you’re reading this. That means the advertised 2016 apocalypse didn’t happen on Friday, as scheduled.

This latest “End Times” date came by way of an anonymous and rather lazy YouTube channel that marked July 29 as Jesus’ big comeback tour. They say that once his sandals touch down, the poles will flip and the sky will dump 100-pound hail stones. Sounds like quite a show.

But for all of his supposed omnipotence, the alleged god can just never get his act together and follow through on these scares. It’s getting embarrassing.

Apocalypse shams are such an easy mark that picking on them almost feels like cheating. But America’s Rapture fetish is actually rather scary, albeit for different reasons than the crazies think.


2016 apocalypse

“It’s not that we’re impatient, mind you, it’s just we have to keep changing horses.”

Remember, in fundy myth, the end of the world is a good thing. These people WANT the bombs and nuclear hailstones to come kill us all. According to their dogma, mass extinction is a happy ending. Compulsive Rapture watching is basically a death cult.

By contrast, Satanism gives you the greatest possible incentive to keep living. This life is probably the only one we get, after all.

And it stands to reason we ought to take care of this world, rather than falling over ourselves waiting for it to “end.” Anything else is just irresponsible. Now honestly, which of these worldviews is scarier?


apocalypse 2016

“Look, you’re all weirdos, and that’s coming from a guy with seven heads.”

Of course, just because they were wrong again doesn’t mean they’re quitting. Different kooks have a new 2016 apocalypse date, August 30. That’s when the “antichrist” (whatever the hell that means) supposedly pops up.

Many of the crazies insist that Obama is their “antichrist.” No, I don’t think it’s a coincidence that it’s the black president who gets pigeonholed as the devil. But I guess it doesn’t matter. They’ll always find somebody.

Satanism might scare Middle America, but the apocalypse watchers are the really scary ones. Who knows what people will do once you convince them the world is coming to an end? Thank “god” we have a little Satanic good sense to employ instead.


apocalypse 206

This might have been scary imagery at the time, but these days it looks like decent wallpaper for a nursery.