GET THE VACCINE, YOU FUCKING DUNKS

 

Four or five years ago I had the idea for a vaccine information drive starring Beelzebub.

“Beelzebub” derives from “Baalzeboul,” a god referenced in 2 Kings who was perhaps associated with illness but also (perhaps) with healing and cure.

“The name is commonly explained as the ‘Lord of Flies,’ plagues being often ascribed to the influence of flies,” says the 1906 Jewish Encyclopedia. Thus a “god who dispels flies” could hold a critical role in diverting and curing disease.

A vaccine of course is a cure, but vaccination works by artificially simulating a part of the very illness. So today we really can employ “Beelzebub” to dispel the flies–not through worship, but through science. Awesome, right? And of course, anti-vaccine kooks are often obsessive Anti-Satanists, so anything to piss them off.

I never attempted to employ this idea though, because it just didn’t seem like the right vehicle for that message. Surely Modern Satanists were the last people who would fall for anti-vaccination conspiracizing anyway, right?

Sigh.

 

 

So last week I do a Daily Baphirmation about getting vaccinated.

The Baphirmations are something we stumbled into mostly by accident, originally to help relieve a tiny bit of people’s anxiety about the pandemic. As months went on, the messaging became more general, but we still return to that theme sometimes. because how can we not?

Lots of people are anxious about vaccine access, and I wanted to assure them that it’s actually a good thing that they want to get the shot so badly, because it affirms that they’re savvy and responsible. In contrast to some our fellow citizens, who would respond to a “Don’t Drink Toilet Water” sign by drinking toilet water.

“You are in fact smarter than those people who won’t get vaccinated,” I wrote, “and you’re not obligated to be nice about them.”

That’s another theme with the Baphirmations, affirming that you shouldn’t be expected to find common ground with certain people. Because good fucking grief.

Overall, our audience received the meme very well, and we got a lot of positive comments on it. The world is safe again.

However.

There was an, ahem, loud minority of commenters on Instagram (and only on Instagram, in case you were wondering which platforms have yet to give a fuck) who suggested–and I’m loosely paraphrasing here–that we were actually brainwashed fascist scum, that vaccines kill your dog, that Anthony Fauci is a secret Hitler clone, that they’re watching my front door with night-vision binoculars, and also something something 5G something.

The interesting thing about these comments is that they’re not there anymore, and the people who left them are now banned from our Instagram.

There were then further comments from people who suggested that it’s our sovereign duty not to delete those comments or ban their authors from Instagram. Those comments are also not there anymore, and the people who left them are also now banned from our Instagram.

 

 

It’s actually very hard to get booted from any of our social media. But boy do some people manage anyway. I’m not terribly interested in debating Freeze Peach on the Internet at the best of times–and in case you haven’t noticed, these are not the best of times.

There’s a tiki bar in Alameda with a sign up front these days explaining that if you want to drink on their patio you have to wear a mask, without any “rights-freedom outbursts.” Couldn’t have said it better myself.

The problem with the “marketplace of ideas” is that, just like real capitalist marketplaces, it tends to get people killed.

Sure, maybe good ideas will eventually triumph over bad ones if we do nothing. I don’t remember that ever happening before, but I guess it’s not impossible. But you can’t reverse the damage done while we wait for it to happen.

A year ago I wrote a blog about how to reconcile the largely anti-authoritarian themes of Modern Satanism with the necessity of abiding by public health initiatives. In hindsight, this was actually an absurd exercise; what the hell else were we all going to do, just ignore medical science and die? Ridiculous.

Six months ago a lot of people were tickled that a trans Satanist launched a vanity campaign for sheriff in some East Coast county with fewer people than fit in my local Target, and I pointed that actually she’s a fucking moron whose idea of Satanic practice is exposing everyone around her to disease for no reason.

At the time, I felt guilty for spoiling the fun, and the potentially empowering vibes for other trans Satanists in particular. But in hindsight, this attitude was actually very silly of me as well. Cuz fuck her.

Most of our Bay Area Satanists of course don’t need to hear any of this. Most of you would get vaccinated right this second even if it meant biting into a cactus like it was an apple. Just reading this probably cranked your antsiness about getting the damn shot already up to 11.

And that’s good. Run with that feeling. Cradle it to your body like a newborn baby. Or if babies aren’t your thing, like a baby burrito.

And just like with a baby or a burrito, if anyone even suggests they’re going to mess with it:

Eat their fucking soul.