#QANON WAS SUPPOSED TO RAISE JFK JR FROM THE DEAD. IT DIDN’T WORK
According to followers of no-name Anti-Satanist conspiracy asshole #Qanon, JFK Jr was supposed to come back from the dead this week.
In case you didn’t check, he’s still dead. Death being a permanent state, that’s liable to happen.
It’s easy to laugh at the way #Qrackpots keep wiping out. But in truth, I think the ongoing stream of #Qonsternation should worry the rest of us.
Because as we’ve noted in the past, Anti-Satanists are not normal. They’re not lucid. And when things don’t go their way, they’re not safe to be around.
For those in the back, #Qanon is a tedious conspiracy theory/religious cult/budding domestic terrorism movement stitched together in the abattoirs of 4chan, 8chan, Voat, and Gab.
According to #Qlodpoles, everyone the American right hates is secretly a) a Satanist, b) a pedophile, and c) always just about to be arrested by the Trump regime.
All this according to vaguely worded sentence fragments generated by an anonymous commenter dubbed “Q,” who writes like a malfunctioning autocorrect bot.
Fundies, conspiracy assholes, Nazis, xenophobes, and other smooth-brained chapstick eaters adore #Qanon. But lately the #Qretins have suffered a series of setbacks.
For example, Q did not manage to raise JFK Jr on schedule. Apparently the late son of the late US president has been a cornerstone of the #Qlaptrap for some time now.
Debunker Mike Rothschild writes in the DailyDot that #Qonspirators believe JFK Jr faked his death in a 1999 plane crash. (For some reason.) “But when the time is right, he’ll reveal his status as living to the world and play a central role in the new world to come.”
Noted #Qrank Liz Crokin declared on Twitter last week, “This Thursday is the 55th anniversary of President Kennedy’s assassination. It would be amazing for there to be public disclosure this day that JFK Jr is alive.”
That’s true, in that it would always be an amazing time for an impossible thing to happen.
Writing for the Daily Beast, Will Sommer said in August, “Incredibly, QAnon believers claim Kennedy has even appeared in public at Trump rallies, posing as just another Trumpite.”
I’m skeptical that Will really finds that incredible. #Qodgers obsessing over a stupid idea like that is the most credible thing I’ve heard in weeks.
It’s possible the #Qatspaws will take it in stride, as they have previous failed prophecies. The recent midterm election, for example, set off an avalanche of batshit, but the stink didn’t stick for long.
Q actually told his #Qretins that Republicans would sweep the election. When the votes rolled in, some #Qastaways took to reasonable despair.
“The Plan is fucking dead,” one moaned. “The Deep State wins again. Trump should have listened to me.”
Another declared #Qanon, “Total, complete, and utter horseshit propaganda.” Which we were saying before it was cool, btw.
A third even broke the Q-quivalent of the first two rules of Fight Club and declared, “Hillary Clinton is not in prison.” Ex-#Q-munication presumably followed.
But like a cheaply fabricated imported MAGA hat left in the rain, it didn’t last, and Q had the rubes believing again almost right away. “The turn to hope [came] when Q insinuated that the Senate was always the objective—in spite of the fact that Republicans already held the Senate,” says Rothschild.
Pretty weak, but we should be glad the al-#Qaeda crowd are mollified by this snake oil. Because their #Qontingency plans are getting weird.
“They’re convinced Q needs to cut to the chase and institute a military dictatorship,” Sommer says of #Qrap peddlers. “Turns out if you convince your fans that Democrats are Satanic pedophiles, they’ll be upset.”
“Others are taking to Voat to announce their intention to arm themselves and form citizen militias,” Rothschild adds.
Oh good, I can foresee nothing going wrong with that.
In ProPublica, AC Thompson reports that the FBI is already inadequately equipped to deal with Nazi terrorists and other violent right-wing groups.
Right-wing political violence accounted for 62 of the last 85 US terror attacks, according to the GAO.
So far, Anti-Satanist #Qreeps haven’t hurt anyone with their outbursts. Because they’re still convinced they don’t have to and that Trump is going to round us all up in camps any day now.
We should hope they’re gullible enough to keep believing.