Feel the Burn
No Such Thing As “Too Crazy” In Trump’s America
PIZZAGATE, SATANIC PANIC, AND THE NEW POLITICAL CAPITAL OF CRAZY I used to think the Satanic Panic was ancient history and conspiracy theories were funny. Then came 2016, Pizzagate, and Trump, and now nothing’s funny anymore. When I talk about religious zealots,...
The Reason Satanists Love Satan
THE LUCIFER OF LIEGE AND THE REASON PEOPLE LOVE SATAN Behind the pulpit at St. Paul’s Cathedral in Belgium you’ll find a beautiful statue, the Lucifer of Liege. And with it, the secret of why atheistic Satanists love Satan. Last week we talked about why, contrary to...
They’ll Call You a Satanist No Matter What
WITCHES BINDING TRUMP AREN'T SATANISTS, BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER Nine days ago, thousands of witches, pagans, magicians, and other magically inclined people cast a spell of binding on Donald Trump. Even though this was a pagan thing rather than a Satanic thing and even...
Satan’s Black History Lesson
HOW SOCIETY RACIALLY PROFILES THE DEVIL It's February, but some things about black history probably just won't come up during Black History Month. For example, we rarely talk about the centuries that black people spent having to be the devil. Back in 2013, the History...
Darwin Is Satan (And We’re Okay With That)
WHY ZEALOTS HATE DARWIN AS MUCH AS SATAN It’s Charles Darwin’s 208th birthday today. And if there’s one name the crazies hate more than Satan, it’s Darwin. When Henry Drummond arrives in town to argue Darwinian theory in Inherit the Wind (a 1955 play about the...
Our Satanic Presidential Roast
SIX REASONS WE'RE BURNING DONALD TRUMP In a few days, we’re gathering in a mildly top secret Bay Area location to burn Donald Trump in effigy. February 1 is Imbolc Night, a date for pagan fire festivals. And it borders on Candlemas, which conspiracy assholes will tell...
Satan Says the Earth Is Round
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN FLAT EARTHERS MEET SATAN, AND WHY WE'RE HAPPY ABOUT IT The Flat Earth Society is enjoying a renaissance these days, despite their noted hostility to any form of enlightenment. And yet, it turns out that even people who believe Satan is real and the...
Of “Weather Witches” And Stormy Scriptures
DO SATAN AND "WEATHER WITCHES" MAKE IT RAIN? TURNS OUT THE ANSWER MATTERS Northern California is bouncing back from a once-in-a-decade storm. Lucky we all made it through okay, since that giant ark building is all the way over in Kentucky. Yes, in Christian...
Texas’ Fetal Mass Grave Law Way Scarier Than Satan
WE ARE AGAINST FETAL MASS GRAVES FOR JESUS You could have bet me almost anything that Texas' proposed fetal burial law couldn't get any creepier. Even just the phrase "fetal burial law" already pushes a red line I didn't even know was there. But along comes Texas'...
How Satan Saved Christmas
THERE'S NO "WAR ON CHRISTMAS," YOU JUST GAVE THE FUN STUFF TO THE DEVIL Did you know crazies have been doing the "War on Christmas" thing for more than 500 years? In 1487, two German inquisitors wrote in their witch hunter’s manual: “Bad Christians imitate corruptions...
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