Satan doesn’t have any miracle cures for you. And actually it looks like neither does anybody else. But whatever you’re feeling right now, it’s okay.
What does “post-birth abortion” have to do with Satanic Ritual Abuse? Well, neither ever happened, but they got their own moral panic anyway.
No, the Eye of Sauron atop Salesforce Tower on Halloween was not a Satanic ritual, and we were not behind it. But good luck convincing the credulous.
Somehow, the same Internet frauds who believe in witches, the Illuminati, and the devil consider straightforward news too far-fetched to also believe.
That’s how anti-Satanist conspiracy theories work: Even things that debunk the conspiracy are part of the conspiracy, including the NFL and the Super Bowl.