NUMPTIES SATANICALLY PANIC ABOUT IMPOSSIBLE “POST-BIRTH ABORTIONS”

I can barely believe this needs to be said, but there is no such thing as a “post-birth abortion.”

Just knowing what all of those words mean individually should be all that’s required to figure that out. And yet, certain people–you know the ones–remain helplessly mixed up on this point.

So if anyone needed any further insight into the degree of cognitive dissonance that people are willing to hypnotize themselves into over the question of an American’s basic right to control their own uterus, we’ve got it, Ba’al help us.

The mere meanings of words are, it seems, no match for bad faith reading.

 

 

It was just a month ago I wrote about New York’s Reproductive Health Act and the mental slinkies who insisted that it meant “murdering Americans in the womb.” 

Naively, I thought they’d move on by now, but if anything the forced motherhood crowd is now even more out in force.

Verified nobody Adam Trahan declared this week on Twitter, “people [have] started warming to post-birth ‘abortion’ (murder).”

Ironically, I do find the concept of a “post-birth abortion” more attractive when looking at Trahan’s smug rodent face…

Showing initiative he hasn’t displayed since the last time he asked to speak to the manager at Denny’s, human hellmouth Alex Jones shrieked at 51-year-old preteen Joe Rogan, “They’re killing already born kids, you saw it.”

“They’re for post-birth abortion,” vaguely animated automaton Kellyane Conway repeated on Fox & Friends. Which again is ironic, since “post-birth abortion” is the precise term I’d employ for most guests on Fox & Friends.

Even Dinesh D’Souza, the second-worst thing to ever come out of Dartmouth after cultural genocide, got in on the act. So what the fuck are these rubes all on about this time?

Well, this week Congress voted down the Born Alive Abortion Survivors Protection Act, a bill designed to, in the words of its author, “prohibit infanticide.”

You may have noticed that infanticide is already prohibited by existing laws. This evidently puts you one step ahead of several hundred senators and congressional reps. But we can’t expect them to know much about the law, given that they’re only, um, lawmakers…

Dr. Leana Wen, the president of Planned Parenthood, called the bill a “misinformation campaign aimed at shaming women and criminalizing doctors for a practice that doesn’t exist.”

So of course every legislator smart enough not to need written instructions on how not to shit their pants three times daily voted it down.

 

 

After this, hysterics concluded that we’ve somehow just legalized baby murder. How do people this dim even manage to compose tweets without accidentally eating their phones instead? Do they have interns who cover their mouths at critical moments?

For Satanists, something in this debate should sound perilously familiar, namely that bit about persecuting people for crimes that couldn’t possibly happen. Oh my, I do believe we’ve heard that tune before.

Because of course, the Satanic Panic wasn’t really special. Fake moral panics are happening in America every minute of the day, much like Golden Girls reruns and Facebook data security scandals.

Numpties couldn’t do much about things like counterculture and the decline of traditional religious institutions and social norms in the 20th century, so to gin up support they pretended baby-eating devil worshipers were everywhere.

They can’t do much about immigration today, so they pretend a Sicario-grade border war is happening in every single-mule desert town in Texas.

They can’t do much about the fact that trans people exist and have the same legal rights as everyone else (really, it’s true), so they pretend…honestly I’m not really sure what the fuck is supposed to be going on with this one, and increasingly it seems neither do they.

And they can’t do much about the fact that most people support basic bodily autonomy. So they have to invent some impossible argument about “post-birth abortion,” because that’s how dumb an idea has to be before they feel confident about beating it.

They have to lie about these things because the truth is really not that troubling. Unless of course you’re mired in a particularly toxic religiously motivated prejudice…

Speaking of religious agendas about abortion, this seems as good of a time as any to plug the fact that we just sent our new Satanic “Chick” Tract “Abort! Abort!” to the printers. It’ll be available on our Black Mass Appeal shop in a week or two.

The tract does not explain the unviability of the “post-birth abortion” schtick though. Because if anybody is really that far gone we’re all better of just aborting the conversation before anything else.